Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 5, Episode 10
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the tenth episode of the fifth series. Key *'HD' – Hugh Dennis *'AP' – Andy Parsons *'FB' – Frankie Boyle *'RH' – Russell Howard *'EB' – Ed Byrne *'GY' – Gina Yashere Topics What a News Reporter Would Never Say *'RH:' Next on News 24, I'm going to punch a zebra. Who cares? No one's watching. *'HD:' Here, children as young as eight are forced to earn their own living-- MORE POLISH! MORE POLISH! I WANT TO SEE MY FACE! *'FB:' Here on the streets it seems that Britain is completely in the grip of gang culture. This is John Simpson...FOR THE ITN MASSIF! *'GY:' Can you hear the bombs falling? No? That's because they're in Baghdad, I'm here in Peckham! *'HD:' Reports of a mystery man loitering in the area... turned out to be me. *'FB:' News just in: (confused) "Go to a break. Your wife's been hit by a truck." *'EB:' And it was just a few feet from here that the shots were fired. I know, I fired them. *'HD:' Well, finally the power in Beirut seems to be back on. The radiator I'm chained to is getting quite warm. *'FB:' Even amidst the devastation of this earthquake there are still stories of hope. I found a man's wallet! *'AP:' (in a distorted voice) I am actually in my bedroom but I am trying to make it look like I'm in Baghdad on a satellite phone *'FB:' And I can't help thinking that if my country was gripped by famine... I'd just move. Hot For TV entries are below *'FB:' Rape, Murder, Arson. I've had a fantastic weekend. *'GY:' They wouldn't make Trevor McDonald do this shit! *'FB:' And it anything can be learned from this high school massacre, it's surely this: Don't mess with goths, they're fucking mental. Unlikely Letters To Be Read Out On Points of View *'HD:' Why oh why oh why... is the structure of my chromosomes. *'EB:' Dear BBC, I watched a light entertainment programme on your network the other night that wasn't hosted by Graham Norton. Is he ill? *'RH:' (in an amazed tone) Dear BBC, how did you manage to get those hippos to swim in a circle?! *'GY:' Dear BBC, I am a Nigerian general with 30 million pounds to put in your bank account... *'HD:' (in a perverted voice) Last night, I turned on to your new porn channel... CBoobies. *'FB:' (in a strange voice) Dear Points of View, I would like to complain about the weird voice you're reading out my letter in! *'RH:' Dear Points of View, has anyone else noticed that Pat Butcher looks a lot like the honey monster from the Sugar Puffs advert? *'AP:'' Dear BBC, when are you going to show Nuts on the Road, Nim Nim Nim?! *'''FB: (in an angry tone) Dear Points of View, I watched Silent Witness with the sound off and it didn't make any sense! *'EB:' Dear BBC, well it's now 30 years down the line and I'm no closer to owning a robotic house-maid. Tomorrow's World? Tomorrow's Horseshit more like! *'FB:' Dear Points of View, watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy made me think that when I made gay friends, they give me fashion tips. Actually, they fucked me. Hot For TV entries are below. *'HD:' Dear BBC, last night I was watching Songs Of Praise, masturbating furiously as usual... *'FB:' Dear Points Of View, can I complain about the gratuitous fucking swearing every fucking week on Mock The Fucking Week? *'HD:' Dear BBC, are you paying too much for your car insurance? *'RH:' Dear BBC, please bring back the old idents. Yours, that black bloke in the wheelchair. *'FB:' The other night I was watching Nigella Lawson. I picked up some good tips on baking bread... and in the process, I just about ripped my cock off. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See